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[icon] hi. I'm terrified right now. But okay... So long story short I… - Montreal Mental Health
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Time:06:54 pm

I'm terrified right now. But okay...

So long story short I have a parent who's... nuts. I don't mean it offensive it's just that she's not mentally well and she wasn't to nice to grown up to and she's now living in the street down town.

I'm 19 years old, living with my dad who thinks it's funny to compare me to her.

I'm been handling myself but lately it's been getting bad and I think I might need help.

I've been raised and have stored in my depest knowledge that it's not good. I don't want to need help. I don't wanna be like her. I don't wanna.

I have panic attacks once in a while but I can deal with them.

I have low self-esteem, believe that I'm not worth any trouble and bother my friends, to whom I don't talk to about this.

But I have a LJ account.
And I've made it my personal sanctuary and release center and friends I've made online have recently been getting worried for me.

I think it might be helpful if I talked to someone.

I've never done this before so please don't jump on me for these requests.

I don't wanna talk to a different person every week.
I'm a student and my parents are pretty poor.
I live in Montreal and hold a medicare card and Canadian citizenship.
I don't wanna go on medication.
I just wanna openly talk to a human being who I won't have to see and who'se reactions and changed behaviour towards me won't make me feel like it would've been better if I had just shut up.

Can anyone recommend a therapist or psychologist or however you call it, who won't charge me or make me in line.

I really don't want my dad to find out - I really don't want to hear him say he was right and that I'm as crazy as the bitch who use to hit me when I was small.
I'm also a student if that helps any - but I would prefer if it was someon outside of school.
Confidential - please.
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Time:2010-04-22 11:10 pm (UTC)
Good for you for getting up the courage to write here! I know it isn't easy.
Have you scrolled through older posts for links, addresses, and phone numbers? Over the past couple of years there's been a lot posted in the way of that kind of information.
Unfortunately, I don't know of any place where you can avoid being put on a waiting list unless you go straight to an ER.

*hugs* Hang in there! Get yourself on a waiting list as soon as possible. The sooner you do it, the sooner you'll be able to see someone. But if worst came to absolute worst, there always is the ER.
Maybe someone else can offer better/other info than me?
Either way, be sure to check the older posts. Seriously, there's a lot of good stuff here.

Good luck, and you are MORE than welcome to post here/rant/vent as often as you like. That's one of the many things this community is for.
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Time:2010-04-23 12:59 am (UTC)
Wanting help is not weakness. Needing help is not weakness. Asking for help is not weakness. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.

"Sucking it up" and thinking you're getting along fine is not the path you want to choose in a situation like this. I learned this the hard way. My parents had to literally drag me from by bed and take me to a doctor (I was 26 at the time, and not living at home).

Do you have a family doctor? If so, you could get a recommendation from them. If not, perhaps from a walk-in clinic?
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Time:2010-04-23 03:51 am (UTC)
First: You are not your mother. Your mothers mental illness does predispose you to whatever she has, but you are not her and you may not even end up like her.

Second: Your dad needs to stop telling you these things because it's not going to help your mental state at all. In fact, his telling you you are as ill as your mom, combined with your low self esteem might be making you worse.

Third: If you're at concordia, go see their health services. If you're not try contacting the Hertzel clinic or go to your school's guidance counselor/nurse and tell them you need a psychologist. If you have a family doctor, see if they can find you a cheap psychologist. Your dad doesn't have to know what you're doing because you're over 15 (is 15 the age where parents no longer need to know about stuff? I think so).

Fourth: make sure you stress to your doctor/newfound psychiatrist (psychologists don't give meds so maybe that's your best bet) that you don't want medication. When I was 15 and seeking help for my depression, self-injury and suicidal thoughts my doctor tried so hard to push medicine on me. I was not down and I am still not down for it.

I really hope you get the help you need.
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Time:2010-04-23 05:38 am (UTC)
If you go to Concordia, you should check out Counselling and Development. McGill and other schools should have something similar. They're really great, and at Concordia anyway you get 10 free sessions. After that you would need to be referred outside the school but you can get a lot done in that time and you will see the same person each visit. They do career counselling too so if you're paranoid that think you're going there because crazy, you could be going any number of reasons.
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Time:2010-04-24 02:14 pm (UTC)
You could also call someone at Head and Hands. They're super helpful and would be able to either have you speak with someone there or they can point you in the right direction!

Head and Hands
5833 Sherbrooke West
Montreal, Quebec
H4A 3P5
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Subject:Me & You.
Time:2010-05-08 03:50 am (UTC)
My name is Jordan Kaine, and I too, have recently been struggling with depression. Every time I break down, the first thing I want to do is selfharm because to me, I believe that it helps me think better when deep down, when I'm calmer, I know that it only hurts me more. I've been in need to find someone who can relate to what I'm going through and that I can help too. I've been sick for a long time.

And don't you dare start believing you're your mother. I've been down that road. And I know it's really hard to see it other wise when every one around you puts you down and tells you this. I was in an abusive household for 14 years, listening to that very thing. That may have been the thing that pushed me over the edge. But you listen to me sweetie, I don't know any doctors, but I do know that if you need to vent, if you need to just cry and have some one just sit there and listen, I'm right here. Sure I'm in the states miles away, but I know what it's like to just need someone who's not going to push you to change but listen and wait for you to do what you need to do.

Drop me a line any time.
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[icon] hi. I'm terrified right now. But okay... So long story short I… - Montreal Mental Health
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